meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
