She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
