i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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