DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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