Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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