I can tuck mytits in my pants
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
