The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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