No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
