The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
