How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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