From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
So much rum. So many feels.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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