Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
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