i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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