Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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