I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
They left me at home... I'm a liability
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
