yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
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the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
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I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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