If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Alive.
So much puke
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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