remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
