I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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