she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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