Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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