honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Randomize
