There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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