You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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