Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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