these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
