Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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