i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
