I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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