I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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