oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
