i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
