i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
