just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
