We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
