Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
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I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
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Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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