Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
