why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize