i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
