I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
it's like iHOP with fire
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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