we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
