margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
