I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
