you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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