I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
