Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize