is your mom at the bar?
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize