It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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