forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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