The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
i think my cat just said my name.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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