Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
