I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
