I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
