Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(702): View more from Nevada

Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride

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(416): View more from Toronto

WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!

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(802): View more from Vermont

He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.

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(775): View more from Nevada

Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.

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(714): View more from California

after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit

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(914): View more from New York

I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?

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