she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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