as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize