Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
