I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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