dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
