does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
