dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
i now understand why vodka
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
