dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
